I took a sip of my soda, grapefruit. It sounds nasty, but I loved it. Yet I hated grapefruits. My mind was running wild with things of different interest. Mainly my mind was on him.
Truly, to me, he was amazing. He was no hero; he couldn’t lift a thousand pounds, or sing like an angel, he was just the only person to be there for me in an intimate way in a long time, so was it love? Or just... Confused lust, I wanted it more than life to be love. But maybe I wanted it so bad, that’s why it was so disguised. Maybe it would just last, because I loved to be part of someone’s world, there reason for smiling, or at least told that they were there reason for there smiles.
I want it more than anything to be true, unbelievable, breath taking, life saving, connected souls, love.


I don’t believe that there is a god,.. and if he was, I wouldn’t want him as my savior, id rather fall for eternity than live in a heaven created by someone and occupied by if he had left the world to be the way it is, I know its ‘our’ faults, yet its not my fault, its not yours either. he could still fix it, if he was real.
but than again, a real god, loving, and caring, wouldn’t let this go on, wouldn’t have let it start in the first place, racism, abuse, starvation, drugs, and such.

the other day I was thinking, what if..
maybe when your stoned, high, or on drugs your actually glimpsing at what its like to not be on drugs.